Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
