Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
