you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
