ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
