It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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