Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
