I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
