Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
