I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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