I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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