Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
