We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
