idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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