so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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