I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
