you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
