I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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