i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
