just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize