Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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