do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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