I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
