All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
