I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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