why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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