My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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