4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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