I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
