That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
