every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize