I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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