I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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