Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we're so committed to being not committed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
