It's Friday. Sex?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
