why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
