people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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