Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
