He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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