I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
