vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
