You're my little dorito
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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