my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize