apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
