Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
