I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
