So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
