I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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