I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Four minutes until I can fart!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
