I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
