i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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