maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
