And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
