It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize