I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
