How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
