when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
