hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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