Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
