Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
