I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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