It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I will pee on everything he values.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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