every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
