I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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