my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
