I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
