Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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