I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how drunk are you?
Several
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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