i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
