Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
