Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
