the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
