The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
