Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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