You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
