broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
third nipple confirmed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
