Just cropdusted the office
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
