never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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