your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
