32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
