I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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