Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
