Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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