K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
