bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
