i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
