dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How naked do you want me to be?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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