who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
