I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
