forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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