The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
