y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Houston, we have a squirter
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
