Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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