Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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