I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
