I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
