yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
