Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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