Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
