used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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