I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
