so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize