got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
