i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
