forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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