may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just gargled with NyQuil
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize