I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
