when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
