1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
