Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
