all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
