im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
two words: eviction party
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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