went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
