if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
