the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
