Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And then he peed in my hair
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