im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
